Men – The New Victim.

With the media reporting daily on accusations of sexual harassment by well known men including footballer Cristiano Ronaldo, Arcadia owner Phillip Green, celebrity stylist Ian Connor and photography superstars Mario Testino, Bruce Weber and Terry Richardson, there is a fascinating air of vulnerability amongst the straight, white men that are totally unfamiliar to feeling powerless, intimidated or liable.

Cristiano Rinaldo rape allegation

philip green abuse

ian connor rape allegations

Terry Richardson sexual allegations

Mario Testino Bruce Weber sexual allegations

The Fear

With more people coming forward with accounts of abuse than ever before, my male friends are really concerned about fake accusations. They worry that any woman can ruin their lives by whipping out the four letter ‘R’ word. It is their reputations and jail time specifically that worries them. I quickly settled those nerves with some good old fashion real life stories and statistics;

Firstly, The Crime Survey for England and Wales estimated that 20% of women have experienced some type of sexual assault since the age of 16, the equivalent to an estimated 3.4 million. The Survey showed that around 5 in 6 victims, (thats a whopping 83%) did not report their experiences to the police. Of the 17% that did report the crimes to authorities, a mere 5.7% of those actually receive justice with their attackers being sentenced, far lower than other crimes. That is less than 1% of actual rapists getting prison time, so if you’ve never sexually assaulted someone you probably don’t need to worry about being falsely accused and locked up. It is also interesting to note that rapists are almost always incarcerated for multiple rapes, averaging at 2.3 each which demonstrates pretty clearly that a) There is a problem with the system that these people are able to reoffend before being prosecuted, b) One woman’s word and proof is not sufficient evidence to convict and c) The falsely accused really needn’t fear.


Estimated 95K rapes per year, 15,670 reported rapes, 2,910 go to court, 1,070 rapists serve prison sentences.

Consent videos

“It’s apparently “a scary time for young men”.” writes Evening Standard contributor Rachel King as she documents a recent one night stand experience where her casual partner asked her to record a voice note confirming she is about to have consensual sex with him as proof – should he ever need it. With their heroes being publicly called out for their inappropriate or abusive behaviour, it’s easy to understand why a man may feel he is at risk, but as King writes this gives “the implication that those in a position of power are the ones who need protection, and that’s just not true.” Those concerned are totally missing the point of what I am calling the Abuse Liberation, plus, consent videos are useless as consent can be withdrawn at any time. Barrister Kate Fortescue said on the subject “consent may also be withdrawn at any stage during a sexual encounter. Recently I dealt with a case where the victim consented to sexual intercourse with her partner but asked him to stop when it became painful. He didn’t stop. The accused was convicted because of photographic evidence on the victim’s phone showing the black eye he’d given her while she pleaded with him to stop.”


The Accusation after effect – Jail Time

Woman X

It is incredibly difficult to get convicted of rape. I recently read an article by an anonymous woman who gained the confidence to report her rapist some years after the assault had occurred, which is very common according to the Ministry of Justice. There are many comments (usually from men) on the interweb asking sarcastically why wouldn’t a woman go straight to the police after a rape. There are many many reasons including, fear of not being believed and fear of repercussion.

For more information and to understand a woman’s reasons not to report check out the #WhyIDidntReport tag on Twitter.

Her experience post-police report she shockingly describes as more traumatising than the assault itself. Her devices were digitally combed by police, character references were sought, mental and physical health records were pulled and intrusive questioning was carried out. Woman X felt as though she were the criminal rather than the man who had raped her. Although there was no motive for a false allegation, the police found insignificant evidence that the rape had been committed and the case did not go to trial.

“For too long women have not been heard or believed if they dared speak their truth to the power of…men, but their time is up.” – Oprah Winfrey


Celebrity Muse

In the case of Kanye West muse Ian Connor who I mentioned above, a huge 21 rape allegations have been brought against him including police filings and formal investigations of sexual battery and sexual assault. Statements, medical information and screenshots are not regarded as substantial evidence in a court of law and he has never been convicted.


The Accusation after effect – Reputation

Example A

Speaking in support of Ian Connor in 2017, rapper ASAP Rocky, then starring in Dior’s menswear campaigns, said specifically of Connor: “That’s my little brother. F*ck what the world gotta say. You feel what I’m saying? He’s a young visionary.” Rocky went on to state: “If you realise, he never went to jail for that. Never been arrested. Never been charged. It’s all word of mouth sh*t.” I’ve written before than every woman knows a victim of sexual assault but no men know anyone who has sexually assaulted anyone(…sarcastic eyebrow raise.)

Example B

Harvey Winestein’s 2017 sexual assault scandal was hardly a scandal. His behaviour would have been know by everyone in those circles. The predatory movie producer is such a cliche it has featured in mainstream movies and in the biographies of starlets for decades. It has been just ‘a part of the business’ until now.

Example C

When Christine Blasey Ford, Ph.D., testified before the Senate Judiciary Committee against Brett Kavanaugh she said she was “one hundred percent” sure Kavanaugh had attacked her. Despite proving herself as a credible witness and recalling the event in significant detail, Kavanaugh was sworn in as Supreme Court Justice just over a week later, doing what has been considered irreparable damage to the USA and has made clear the standing of the voice of women in the country.

It appears a man’s reputation is a hard thing to break when violence against women is so normalised. Model turned women’s rights activist Amber Rose said in a statement referring to Ian Connor “It’s innocent until proven guilty, but when you have 21 women from all over the world that do not know each other but have similar stories, it gets to the point where it’s like … enough.” Of course it is important to prove beyond reasonable doubt that a crime has been committed, but in a case of one word against another, women everywhere suffer as a rapist goes without facing justice.

Liz Bannish

A changing culture

In the week between Christine Blasey Ford, Ph.D.’s testimony and the swearing in of Brett Kavanaugh, the National Sexual Assault Hotline had a 388% increase in calls from abuse survivors. Blasey Ford has inspired women to speak out, despite their fears.

Approximately 85,000 women and 12,000 men are raped in England and Wales alone every year; that’s roughly 11 rapes (of adults alone) every hour with around 90% rapists known to their victims prior to the offence.

Not only are rapists more likely to be called out for their actions now than ever before but the modern day rape and gaslighting culture will also change to be a safer habitat for all people, which is a good thing that the straight, white, middle-class men of this country should be celebrating alongside the vulnerable…not making it about themselves.

I hope this brief blog post has informed and enlightened readers on some of the facts and will inspire some of the many many amazing men I know and those that I don’t to be supportive of the Abuse Liberation and of victims, helping their peers be more mindful too. Spread the word.

Love Roxy xXx

If you found reading my views in this blog interesting you may want to check out Celebrity Big Brother Abuse; Roxanne and Jermaine Unpacked and The Men’s Football World Cup. Bringing The Sexism Home for similar posts.


One thought on “Men – The New Victim.

  1. Ellen M Lindsay says:

    Roxy, this post is perfectly timed, perhaps a bit to late for America, with the horrible display that was the voting for Supreme Court Justice Mr. Kaventhaul. It has been proven that at least two of the accusers made up their accusations and the main accuser has been found to have been lying from the very start according to her husband’s testimony. The despicable disgrace that he and his entire family had to endure was an embarrassment of the worst kind, all paid for by certain groups not Republicans! That anyone can just accuse a man of such things, especially from 40yrs back is a stain on the history of this great country. I suppose I could accuse Billy from grade school of stealing a kiss from me and scarring me for life. Thank you for the post!!!! ♡☆♡☆♡


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s